I jumped

And more than once. Sometimes, i don't even recognize myself.
Ok, saying yes for the plane ticket was easy. I had to think 5 minutes about it to be sure. Imagining my life without this trip just convinced me. I can't stay here and let this dream go away. Now I just have to realize that I did it. The Choupi's army is ready to go fight kangaroos. And it's not because i don't know anybody (petit coeur doesn't count, i am not leaving for him, so we'll see if we get to see each other again), that i'm gonna let my fear win and step back. No way.
Then, why did I do that tonight? No fucking idea. I just know I had to do it, to prove sth to myself, that i had grown up, that i was trying to fight these fucking irrational thoughts, that i was trying to gain this confidence, that after all self CBT is not so bad and that a freudian analysis would not have allowed me to do this. God psychology in France sucks. Because when you think about it, the way CBT tells you to think about it, it's true you're not risking your life, and life is too short, i know that too well.
Another thing i've learnt lately is that destiny might put some stuff on your road, might drive your life a little bit but just taking it as an excuse of all the things happening to you is not a good thing. Sometimes, you just have to help destiny and take control of your life. And say what you have to say, and dare to do things without thinking that no, that destiny didn't want to, that it wasn't meant to happen. You have to fight sometimes to get what you want. And one day i'll have what i want.
I should stop thinking i'm stupid and others don't like me. I am not that horrible.
I took control of my life tonight, I did what I wanted to do, what i was bottling inside, and even if i was shaking like a leaf, and my heart was beating so fast, i've never been so happy to realize something like that.
Life is not the marvellous world of Choupi. Prince Charming isn't gonna arrive on his white horse and save me from an awful dull life. Maybe the princess has to go search for the Prince and tell him to move his fucking ass. Maybe she has to say what she wants and thinks. Who says only Prince can make the first step.
And this story probably won't end up in an happily ever after. Prince isn't gonna come, to wait for you at the exit to kiss you, his bags in his hands saying that's what he wanted to hear and that he's staying just a little bit. That's just good for movies and fairy tales. In real life, it's never like this. These stories created are just here to make us keep dreaming and believing. But making us dream too much can be dangerous and can make you live in a dream and dream your life instead of living it and living your dream.

Today, I jumped, and I lived my life instead of picturing thousands of perfect stories in my head. And i am proud of it.