Angry

Am I allowed to be angry? To scream and to be mad at you. I hate you. But am I allowed to?
Am I allowed to say that it is all unfair, that life is unfair. That it hurts, that i am fed up with everything.
I hate you I hate you, I want to punch you, I want to howl, to tell you that I hate you.
You left me. You promised me you would never let me go but you did. You didnt fight to stay, you just went, and I hate you so much for that. WHY did you go?
I am so mad at you. I am making you an angel, a god, the god of my own religion, I am worshiping you, I am worshiping us, what we used to be so long ago but what's the point in this?
The truth is I hate you, because you had no right to leave.
And while I thought you were somewhere around looking after me, I am realizing you are not.
And if you are, then I hate you even more because what you're doing to me is so mean.
You can't make me hope to break everything.
I want to howl, I want to know, to understand, I fucking hate you.
I don't want to go back to crying over you because I hate you. You left me dealing with this world on my own, you had no right to do that, you should have fought, you should have known, you shouldnt have left me crying on my own in the dark.
You can't keep me for you now, you left, let me go. Don't make me suffer like this, you can't do this anymore, you have no rights on me anymore, you left, you gave up on me, and God I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
I promise to you, if what i am afraid of is true you'll be nothing anymore for me. Your necklace and your ring will be gone for good, the carebear will go in a drawer, you'll be dead for me, for the 2nd time, anyway, where are you, when was the last time you protected me and gave me something to hope for?
I could pray until I cant feel my hands anymore, until my knees hurt, for this thing to be wrong.
I hate you for leaving us, you should have fought, you should have...
Fuck you.

Poisonous

You are like a poison. You're getting into my bloodstream, you made your way through, you're all inside me, and it's bad for me, i know you're bad for me, but somehow it's too late, you've infected me.
You're my poison, getting me high sometimes, but only to make me feel worse the second after. You're so bad, you're killing me softly, but i cant get rid of you, you're too deep inside me.
If I was given the cure, I wouldnt even take it, because if it's too smooth and too simple, it's not gonna work. I need this venimous thing, because i dont know how to deal otherwise.
If you were becoming a perfume, I would look for the snake inside you, the one who bites me and injects its poison.
The more you get away, the more poisonous you get, the more i am hooked up.
I know there's something behind all that, I know it, there's not only a bad snake, but i know you wont show it.
I might have an escape, but am I gonna be able to take it. Or am I gonna stick to my favourite poison?
Dont kill me, but dont set me free. We're the same, but so different in the same time, you react in your way, i react in mine, but we both try to get out of there, coz we're too scared, coz we're bad for each other, but we still cant set ourselves free.
When everything is going well, you get cold, I get paranoid, trying to find every little reason to hate you.
You're my poison, i cant get you out of me, i know you cant get rid of me. I know you're freaking out, I know I am freaking out.
I know what I am looking for, but somehow, I can only like poisonous things, it's so much better. The highs and lows, the rollercoaster, if you're not poisonous, i would not get that. That's what I like.
I'm suicidal, i'll let you be my poison, i'll let you destroy me and ruin me, just like my previous poison, just like life has been a poison, because no matter how loud i'll scream, the pain will never get away, i wont be able to change things, i wont be able to change you.
It's as if by changing you, i was trying to change the past, to finally take control over this thing i havent been able to change.
Putting my energy in changing you is just a way to repeat history, to get exhausted and to try and try, obtain the impossible, make the impossible happens.
My only goal in this is to make you come back. Coz if i can do something impossible, then i can do anything.
If I wasnt suffering, I wouldnt understand why. I need you to be poisonous, coz I cant let my guilt go away. And if I aspire to some rest and peace, to happiness and laugh, deep inside, all I wish for is a new poison to come deliver me.