3 years

3 years it's 36 months, 156 weeks, 1095 days, 65700 minutes, 3942000 seconds. It can look like a lot of time, it can look like a little time.
3 years it's also a sixth of your life.
3 years is the time i've been spending without you. Without your voice, without your smile, without you.
3 years ago, you were waking up, not knowing what was going to happen to you. I was waking up, not knowing that i wouldn't be able to fix our relationship this time. A Spanish man was waking up and getting ready to take his white truck, not knowing he would park his truck at the wrong spot. Another man was waking up and was saying goodbye to his son, not knowing he would kill someone that day.
3 years ago, you were seeing your room, your house, your swimming pool, your dog, your cat, your parents, not knowing the next time you would be there, you would only be ashes spread around a small and fragile olive tree.
3 years ago, i heard your voice and your words, not knowing this would the last time it would happen.
3 years ago, you were driving for the last time.
3 years ago, it was raining and the highway was closed.
3 years ago, you decided to do a U-turn at a gas station.
3 years ago, you didn't see the truck, the driver saw you too late and bumped into you.
3 years ago, you gave your last breath.
3 years ago, my life changed for ever.

3 years ago, i thought 3 years without you would be unlivable. 3 years looked like an eternity for me, an eternity without you, a torture. But days have gone by, then months, then years.
And here I am, 3 years later. Alone.
I am still wondering thousands of questions but somehow, the pain has become milder. It's still here, i'm still crying and thinking a lot about you, but i can live again.
My smile is back, maybe not the sparkle in my eyes, but sometimes it's here. I'm trying to believe in life again, to find the strength to go on, to hope again, even if sometimes, i would want to give up everything.
I need your love and your protection, your light, your strength. I will never give up on you, i will never forget you, but I need to go on living, i need to build that something i'm missing. But it seems sometimes that it is never going to happen. So I need you.

If I had been told 3 years ago all that was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed it. But it did happen. You left me.

And as I said, it has been hell, there were tears and pain, but there was also laugh and hope.
Life goes on, life always goes on whether we like it or no.

Ily and miss you sweet angel.