Welcome to Mystery

This is a place where your mind can escape to
All the problems today and go far far away
This is time with no history
Welcome to mystery

I would like to go to that place tonight, cos the pain is back. Milder of course, as usual when it comes back, but there. It's just a little bit too familiar.
The Insa is grieving again and it just reminds me of 4 year and a half ago. That long ago. Not the same circumstances at all. But i was seeing your old window on tv and i just remembered that one day you did exist and lived there.

What kills me tonight is that there is no reminder of you anywhere. Just that Olive tree and your home. No flowers, no memorial. Where are you sweet angel? Why did I forget so much about you. When I write you name, it feels weird. Like it's in the back of my mind, something that will never go away but that i forgot.

It doesn't seem real, i'm not even sure why i'm talking to you. It's their weird feeling of a safe place, a safe thing to think about, to reassure me, to remind me that that time existed.

I am confused. I hate time for erasing things. I didn't believe people when they were telling me it would. I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose my pain cos i knew the moment i'd stop feeling constant pain, it would mean i would forget.

Of course, you never really forget but it is not the same anymore. You get used to it. Not being able to see you helped.
Everything becomes blurry. But right now i have a vivid picture of you in my head and it hurts. To imagine being able to see you and hold you.
Holding you, that's what i miss the most when i think about it. Touching you. Feeling your skin under my fingers. Feeling that you're real and alive.


In one hour, in two hours, tomorrow, my tears will be gone again. I'll go back to this world i've been building ever since you've been gone, i'll go back to this new life, this life where it feels like you never existed. I'll go back to living while you'll stay dead and nonexistent.

But for just a few more minutes, a few more hours, i wanna keep that pain just to remember that you were with us one day. And I wanna keep that hope that i'll be able one day to go to Mystery Land, with no history, where my mind can escape to, a new destination of my own creation, where i would make you come back for just 1 minute just so that, for a last time, i can hold you against me and feel your warm skin and your heart beat.